Why do I even stay here. Why do I bother doing anything. I’m just rotting away and wasting time. Nothing is okay. Everyone is my competition for everything. Life is all about competing with other people. Being and feeling insignificant.
I wouldn’t mind living in a padded white room forever. Being force fed three meals a day that I’ll most likely just throw up. Being force fed medication that does nothing but give me side effects. Being forced to conform to a uniform consisting of a hospital gown and those socks with the anti slip bottoms. The only human contact I have is a brief meeting with an orderly of some sort who looks so miserable and looks like they’ll too be here in a few years. Being forced to absorb artificial white lights instead of sunlight.
That’s what the inside of my brain looks like.
If you die young, you’re lucky.
I’m just passing time. We’re all passing time.
Starting school again tomorrow and I’m so nervous I could puke. I can’t sleep. My calves hurt from work. I’m cold. I’m lonely.
I don’t want to talk to anyone ever. I’m going to sleep unless I’m at work or school. I’m not going to move anymore for anyone. I’m slipping back into that dark dark fucking place. But if I don’t talk to anyone or leave my house I can’t do anything stupid. I don’t feel. I’m empty. I’m hollow. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to enjoy anything. I just want to sleep until my body gives out and I’ll finally be free.
all it takes is for an anime guy to have white hair so you can tell they are either gay or batshit insane or both
watching anime is a chore all its own